It's exactly a year since our son was dangerously ill in hospital and a second hospital experience this week with another close member of the family brought the memories flooding back. Also my father, who is nearly 90, is in and out of hospital in Australia.These sorts of experiences are both physically and emotionally draining and my experience reminds me of Elisabeth Dunne's piece 'As I grow older' when she talks about the loss of a partner and she questions what learning means in such deeply personal situations. 

'Such experiences are maybe less easily recognised as ‘learning’ in the conventional sense........ I cannot keep building on my experience. I do not think I will be better prepared in the future; I do not have confidence in the learning process. It is an emotional journey, emotional learning, forced upon me unexpectedly; and I have developed as a person because of it. Somehow it gives me a deeper sense of humanity and what it means to be human. This is not the same as learning about [something]... So the question remains: is something that has by far the greater impact on my deepest feelings, my ‘inner’ being, appropriately characterised as ‘learning’. No-one would wish to test me on this learning, but it has changed the ways I behave, the ways I think, the ways I interact with people, the ways I appreciate the world around me..... So, I ask, is this the meaning or the very purpose of learning, whatever form it takes… to enable us to think differently, to shift our perceptions and understandings, and to allow us to grow as individuals and as members of the human race?' Elizabeth Dunne

These words express very well what I have experienced on a small number of occasions in my life - the death of my first wife, the very premature birth and intensive care experience of my daughter's twins, the terrifying illness of my son and recent operation on another close member of the family. They are all situations in which you feel helpless to influence the outcome - all you can do is cope and support others who are involved.  Nothing really prepares you for these situations and surviving one such experience does not give you confidence when it comes to the next because they are all unique in their circumstances and consequences.  They take us outside the world we know and deposit us in a world of uncertainty and fear.It's hard to say exactly what learning is in such situations but it's fair to say that when we have come through we are probably more compassionate, empathetic and sympathetic human beings. Its also fair to say that situations such as these drain your creativity away and all desire to be creative.

This is the first time I have felt able to record my thoughts and feelings. It's been a very difficult even traumatic few weeks for me and my family as we have had to cope with the ordeal of a member of the family becoming very ill a long way from home. My wife bore the brunt of it and has stayed close by him throughout. It has been an emotional rollercoaster and we have had to cope with the situation and deal with the worst imaginable scenarios. Thankfully he is getting better although progress is very slow. The experience has taught me once again that good health and mental, physical and emotional ability are just the most important things in life and how much we take them for granted day to day until they are removed. Its revealed an aspect of my wife's character and strength I knew would be there but which can only ever going to reveal itself in such situations. It's revealed the love and concern of our family and close friends. I think the ordeal has made our family stronger. It's given me experience and insights into life in intensive care something I have never experienced before and the enormous dedication, professionalism and kindness of clinical staff. But also seeing life on the wards and experiencing the frustrations as a parent of not being able to get the care and attention you need when you need it for your child and seeing just how much you have to fight sometimes to get the attention you need. Coping with the uncertainty of not knowing what was causing my son's illness was one of the hardest of things until you realise that it's almost academic and the most important thing is to treat the illness by every means until there is a positive response. Google also played its role in provided much needed but not wanted information on the possible conditions and outcomes we were dealing with.

I know the experience has had a significant impact on my feelings - at times totally drained of energy and numb while at other times overjoyed and everything in between. At the moment I am just thankful that we are where we are now and not where we were three weeks ago and I appreciate all that so many people have done to help him and us through the ordeal.

http://alicepyne.blogspot.co.uk/

The internet is a fantastic tool for connecting us to people we are never likely to meet and be touched in the process. A few days ago I came across a blog called 'Alice's Bucket List' written by a 17 year old girl who was terminally ill with cancer and what proved to be her final blog was written on Jan 1st 2012. Her mum's post explained that she had died 12 days later.

I read lots of blogs but there was something special about the way Alice's blog was helping her create new meanings and purposes in her life in the eighteen months she wrote it. She realised that she might not live very long and so had created for herself a 'bucket list' of experiences she wanted to have. As Alice explains in her blog the bucket list helped her live her remaining life to the full doing the things that she wanted to do and achieving her dreams and ambitions in the process with the people she loved and who loved her.

'I've created a bucket list because there are so many things I still want to do in my life ... some are possible, some will remain a dream. My blog is to document this precious time with my family and friends, doing the things I want to do. You only have one life ... live it!'

This list of things to do also gave her family and friends a list of things to help her achieve and so added meaning and purpose to their own lives. You cannot help but be moved by the stories Alice tells in her blog of the way she achieved her dreams and ambitions in spite of being very ill.

But her bucket list was not just about satisfying her own needs and desires. In particular, there were two items on her list that were focused on the needs of others, and of trying to make a positive difference to the world, in the time she had left. The first was to set up, with the help of parents and friends, her own charity  'Alice's Escapes'.

Alice’s Escapes is run by a team of volunteers committed to providing free holidays for families with a seriously ill child. The idea for Alice’s Escapes came after Alice and her family spent a week being looked after by the Torbay Holiday Helper’s Network (THHN), based in Devon. All accommodation, food, outings and activities were given with the compliments of local businesses. After many years of gruelling treatments, Alice and her family were able to step back and experience ‘normal’ family life. Alice, and now her sister, who is carrying on, with the help of friends and local businesses are raising money to help the families of very sick children to have a holiday together in the Lake District. You can find out more and donate http://www.alices-escapes.co.uk/

Because of her illness and treatment Alice was acutely aware of the need for bone marrow donors so at the top of her bucket list was her wish to raise awareness of bone marrow registers and to get everyone who was able to register. So far over 40,000 people have registered after reading her appeal.

Alice not only achieved most of what she had on her bucket list, she has inspired many other people to do things that they would not have done, and she has created a legacy that, through her family and friends, especially her sister Milly, will live on and carry on making a difference to the lives of others who are going through what she went through.

In sharing her thoughts, feelings, fears and ambitions through her blog Alice has had a profound effect on the world.  Reading her blog you feel her love of life and the people she cared for and who cared for her, her desire to do and to achieve and her happiness at doing the things she set out to do. But also through her words you feel her pain, suffering and despair and the way she bravely comes to terms with her own demise as she nears the end of a life in which she has created so much meaning and purpose.

This issue of Lifewide Magazine is dedicated to becoming the person you want to become. Alice had very little time to become the person she wanted to become but what she had she used in a way that enabled her to become that person. Her story is a shining example to us all of how we might create and live a life of meaning and purpose and inspire others around us to do the same.

Although I never knew Alice, through the thoughts and feelings she crystallised in her blog, I felt connected to her and her family and what she was trying to achieve. I noticed that I wasn't the only one  - I was the 4,776417th visitor to her website!!!!!  Why not be the next?  http://alicepyne.blogspot.co.uk/

Alice's Bucket List

·                     To get everyone eligible to join a bone marrow register
·                     To get EVERYONE to have a bucket list
·                     To get to the Royal Garden party in May
·                     DONE - To buy a static caravan for my charity
·                     DONE - To actually receive my B.E.M. medal
·                     DONE - To go whale watching
·                     DONE - To go to my school leavers prom
·                     DONE - To meet Take That
·                     DONE - To design a Emma Bridgewater Mug to sell for charity
·                     DONE - To stay in the Chocolate room at Alton Towers
·                     DONE - To swim with sharks
·                     DONE 'ish - To go to Kenya (got to go to Kent-ya)!
·                     DONE - To enter Mabel in a Labrador show
·                     DONE - Photo shoot with Milly, Clarissa, Sammie and Megs
·                     DONE - To have a private cinema party for me and my BFFs
·                     DONE- To stay in a caravan
·                     DONE - To have a purple Apple ipad
·                     DONE - To have a nice picture taken with Mabel
·                     DONE - To have my hair done
·                     DONE - To have a back massage

To donate to Alice's charity visit http://www.alices-escapes.co.uk/  or visit Alice's own website http://alicepyne.blogspot.co.uk/
Bone Marrow Registers WORLDWIDE
DKMS Bone Marrow Register
British Bone Marrow Registry 18 - 49 inc