I play the events over and over again in my mind always feeling guilty that I did not say more or do more for her. It is the deep sadness within our family that will always be there.. rarely spoken about because we prefer to talk about the happiness she gave us rather than the sadness we feel at her passing.
The one thing that makes me smile is the foreget-me-nots that seem, no matter what the weather, to time their arrival for this significant anniversary. They seem to spring up everywhere, without any need for encouragement, ...they carpet parts of the woods and poke out of the nooks and crannies on the paths, and stick out of every corner of the garden. They are spontaneous and rampant and have no need of a cultivator they do it all by themselves.
They even appear in the unruly pile of leaves that we call the compost heap this year is sporting a clutch of pale blue flowers. They are modest little flowers and their beauty only reveals itself when you get up close. They remind me so much of her radiant in their beauty and tenacious in their spirit to shine in the world. They have become a symbol of her memory - a memory I know my children share because we have talked about it.
This year I resolved to do something more to honour her memory... I bought a couple of big pots and filled them with forget-me-nots from the garden and gave one to my son and one to my daughter. We will never forget you but this simple reminder fills us with joy.. Life is full of symbols and creating a life of shared significance is probably one of the most meaningful things we can do.